Shit Blue Said

At a show...
Me: The attendant wiped her ass for her! Not her literal ass, her jeans. But still!

Blue: Monica Lewinsky situation...

Me: Yeah, but this one got a tip.

Blue: So did she.

On the person next to us at a concert... 

Blue: (whispering) She smells like feet.

Me: Do you wanna change seats?

Blue: No it’s just the agony of defeat.

Me: Did you know Reese Witherspoon had a book club?

Blue: I think I saw that somewhere. I figured you were all over it. 

Me: I am

Blue: Hey, if it was for short stories, she could call it Reese's pieces. 

Watching a commercial on curing stinky feet...
Me: That's me!
Blue: We both have stinky feet.
Me: No one is as bad as [my friend] Sunshine though. It's like a bomb goes off.
Blue: And her stinky kid. Fuckin' fart bag.

Blue: Maybe I should do my laundry here more often. I just had a 100% socks in socks out match rate.

Finding a pimple...

Blue: I have conjoined twins growing on my chin. I’m going to have to claim them as a dependent on my taxes.

Blue: I need to set budget. Only way to survive without donating an egg and let's be honest, they're probably scrambled by this point.

checking to see swollen glands when I had a sore throat...

Blue: You have a lovely uvula.

Me: Thanks. It's long and dangly.

Blue: Yes, you're quite well hung.

At work...

Blue: Are they both Aussies?

Coworker: Yes. 

Blue: Now I want to go to Outback. Since I'm a "Steak-holder." 

All read and approved by Blue before posting.

You can find other Shit Blue Said here: Vol. 1, Vol. 2, Vol.3, Vol. 4, Vol. 5, Vol. 6, Vol. 7, Vol. 8