via G-chat, at work...
Blue: If I were 011 [from Stranger Things], my nose would be bleeding like a fountain and metal objects would be hurling at many heads right now.
That is all.
Blue: I think I'm out on Bloodline. Too depressing. If I wanted to hear about sibling drama, murders, and betrayals I'd just look back on a family photo album.
Walking in the rain...
Blue: All these people wallowing in the romaine-
Me: Lettuce try that again.
Blue: And then she killed me slowly... With her words.
After a trip to the dentist...
Today is going all wrong! I'm supposed to be lying around in pain bitching like a baby and instead I'm washing bedding, clearing my bathroom vanity, and cleaning the air vents for the oven.
The next day...
Blue: I am totally stoned btw. I took a Vicodin here [at work].
Me: You did WHAT now?????
Blue: Well that's what they are for, I didn't think it would be that bad. Its only the first 30 minutes that it's bad.
Me: Cheese and rice.
Blue: MMM CHEESE...
Me: We're going to be on cleaning duty starting Thursday. For the move.
Blue: In the office? Wow, that crept up fast.
Me: We're finding paperwork from 1995.
Blue: Is it fitche?!
Me: Huh?
Blue: Microfitche? Wow, I'm old. Like, real old.
Me: I don't know if we can go to that event on Friday.
Blue: Why not?
Me: Because OITNB comes out that day.
Blue: Oh yeah, definitely cancelling that. Priorities.
Sharing new beauty products with her...
Blue: What's this for?
Me: To clear your sinuses. Here I'll put it on you.
Blue: Oh yeah, because you know everything about oils... OMG AHHH WTF?! It smells awful! Like turpentine. UGH am I gonna grow a tree from my face now? I mean, it is tea tree oil...
Blue: What's this for?
Me: Destressing. Apply it to your pressure points.
Blue: UGH. It smells like old pee.
(For the record, it was lavender.)
Colleague: Your hair is so dark! Did you do something?
Blue: Rough week, so I hit the bottle.
One-liner of the month: That awkward moment when you become a Catholic with "the Chanukah Song" stuck in your head... on a bus... in August.
hahaha I mean what else could tea tree oil be for??? And hitting the bottle?? I die!!!!
ReplyDeleteThe second I saw this post title in my feed I clicked! Blue is hilarious. Also, I FREAKED OUT about OITNB thinking it was the release date for season 5 (even though I know it won't be until June, probably) and so I started Googling and realized this quote was probably from before season 4 came out. Ha! I really love her reactions to the essential oils hahaha.
ReplyDeleteI about died when I read the "hit the bottle" one
ReplyDeleteThe "Stranger Things" reference is gold.
ReplyDeleteLOL...I couldn't deal with Bloodline.
ReplyDeleteAlso, to the chores after the dentist...being an adult is zero fun.
Lavender now smells like old pee...I think that your lavender has taken a wrong turn. Tee hee!
ReplyDeletehaha I hit the bottle, omg! That is the funniest thing I have heard today. Thank you so much for the laugh. I really needed it today. Blue needs her own show, she is hilarious.
ReplyDelete