What's New With Me

Hello! I hope you are all doing well. Thought I'd do a proper catch up since I haven't in so long. 

I've been in self-isolation since March 16th, and will remain so until May 18th. Though my company knew it *might* happen, we were unprepared overall. It started very suddenly. My boss texted our group Sunday night, saying that we were having a team meeting via Zoom in 20 min. And it was like "Ok folks, so we're officially working remotely, starting tomorrow morning." 

As such, week one was incredibly anxiety-ridden. While I thought working from home would be kinda fun, and "I'd have so much time... for activities!" (Step Brothers reference), it was quite the opposite. I'm actually working more now than I was when I went in to the office! There are no water cooler chats, or reasons to be late/away, or even "given" breaks, like lunch. 

I guess this is a good time to explain what I actually do- I work in User Support Services (read: customer service/tech support) for a university. I basically run the call center and the student workers, and do a lot of admin type stuff and trainings and less "techy," hands-on trouble-shooting stuff. So having to answer all of the help desk calls and tickets (because of course week one started when the students were on Spring Break), was incredibly stressful for me, as was acclimating to a new phone system and remote service application. 

Towards the end of the week, I realized I could (and should) schedule calls, as opposed to answering random hotline calls. That way I'd still be productive, but not working on the fly- I would be prepared for whatever the issue was and could research solutions beforehand. 

Because of this, Week 2 went much smoother. I also remembered that I didn't have to answer every call that came to my phone. The system is set up as a round robin, so if I didn't answer, it would ring to the next person on the list. This allowed me to take breaks when I needed to. Worst case, I could always call them back. 

And that brings me to now, towards the end of Week 3. The work part is getting easier. I'm still going over to Blue's condo Friday after work through Monday, and I love getting that time with another person. We she cooks, we play games, catch up on our shows, and just *be*. We went to the grocery store last week and now we're both fully stocked again, but that was anxiety-inducing and I won't be going back. It's going to be delivery groceries for anything else I need! I'm still having trouble getting into any books and have mostly been either puzzles or phone games. I'm going to keep trying though. 

Things I've Learned During Social Distancing/Isolation:

• I cannot listen to the news for extended periods of time. It gives me a headache and makes me incredibly anxious. I can only handle about 30 min at a time.

• I need light. Preferably natural light. This means even on cloudy days, all of my shades are open. I never thought I was one of those people who needed this before, but I've learned the hard way that I am. 

• I also need sound. Music works just fine, none of that "white noise" business. 

• I'm not great at time management at home. I need to set a schedule and stick to it. Writing "to-do" lists, even for work stuff, helps me stay focused and on task. 

• Wearing "real clothes" makes you (just me?) feel different, specifically more productive. I used to think Blue, who worked from home 2x a week, was crazy for not wearing PJs all day. "Why not?" I'd ask in awe. I get it now. Just like going to bed and waking up at the same times every day, even changing from daytime pajamas to night-time pajamas helps with sticking to a schedule and differentiating between work and non-work time, even when you're in the same physical space for both. 

• Video chats and daily check-ins with my people really do help. I used to hate video chats and even speaking on the phone, but there is something to be said for hearing another person's voice (and no, the TV doesn't count), especially when I'm home alone. 

TL;DR: This time of self isolation and social distancing started out really stressful and I was incredibly anxious, but now I'm finding my groove and generally doing okay!

How bout you? How are you REALLY doing?

Linking up with Kristen! 

Things I Learned This Week (Vol. 2)

- I'm more willing to stay up for others, but not myself
Last week, I attempted to stay up late to do my hair, but people kept calling me. By 10pm I literally had half of my hair straightened, and half wavy/curly, but I was just too damn tired and didn't care. I thought, "I'll just put it up tomorrow" and went to bed. Two days later, after Blue was having a particularly stressful couple of days, I decided to make her cupcakes. I was up until at least 11:30 but it didn't bother me, and I was so excited to surprise her with them.

- Using different websites for hotels will give you different outcomes
This was actually learned a few weeks ago when trying to get a last minute hotel room down the shore. When I checked hotels.com (my normal go-to for these things, especially with the free nights offer), it said the hotel I wanted was sold out. When I called the hotel, they said there were rooms, but gave me a ridiculously high price. In frustration, I then tried a website I hadn't used in a while, booking.com and boom- found the hotel with rooms at a discounted rate. I think it's because hotels offer blocks of rooms to different sites, but who knows? I was just happy I found it.

- Working weekends new norm

In my old position, working nights and/or weekends wasn't even an option because it was customer based, and our "customers" left work at 5, end of story. Lately I've found myself working at least a few nights and weekends regularly, but I (mostly) don't mind it. I actually feel a little more prepared for the week when I do so. Apparently others find this new sched to be completely cray.

Another comment was "Dude. It's Football Sunday."

- I'm uncomfortable driving other people's cars
When I tell people I don't have a car, their immediate question is "Why? Do you have a license?" Yes, I do, and yes, I've had cars and driven them for miles and miles in the past, but I just don't see the point of having one right now. My commute is shorter by train, and there's no parking (or pay-only parking) at my job. I've driven Blue's car, but only by necessity (like when we drove from NJ to Kentucky by way of Ohio and back), and on the highway after getting used to it, I was fine. Over the weekend, Blue was sick, and I offered to go get her meds/soup/etc. But when it came down to it, I was just not comfortable driving with traffic on a Saturday afternoon. And I felt bad about it, but at least I said something instead of potentially getting into an accident because of nerves.

- Hard work pays off

One thing I really like about this job is that hard work doesn't go unnoticed. Everyone likes feeling appreciated, am I right? I thought my new Bosslady was just really nice, but apparently that's the culture in this department, as I arrived on Monday morning to find these deeeeeeelicious chocolate espresso beans waiting for me on my desk with a note attached. How sweet is that?! 

What are some things you learned recently?

Linking up with Mattie and Lexi for Weekly Lessons!

Things I Learned This Week

- I don't like cold brew coffee.
This lovely local coffee-shop was offering free samples this morning, so as I made my way to work I stopped and tried their cold brew. Now, I've never liked black coffee, but he said to try it black first anyway. I don't just dislike it, I hate it. Waaaay too strong. It was a little better with milk, but I can't see myself buying it anytime soon. I'm glad I got to try it for free though. 

- "Rules" without consequences seem more like suggestions.
I've mentioned that I work at a college before. I may or may not have mentioned that I smoke (please save the speeches- I know it's bad). Last week an email went out stating that "as a provisionary measure until a formal policy is established, beginning September 1, 2016, smoking will be prohibited within 25 feet of all buildings..." They also installed cameras in the one area that was an established smoking area, and took out the ashtray. 

However, I work in IT, so I know that the camera isn't actually plugged in anywhere. And then I asked one of the cops what happens if we smoke in that area anyway, and he said that they weren't instructed to do anything. So basically, there's no penalty, so why should I move? 

- I work more efficiently from home.
In my old position, I never had to work from home. However I'm noticing now that I work much more efficiently at home. It may be due to my current work environment- my cube neighbor recently quit, so he doesn't do work anymore and talks all the time, but he's actually pretty interesting. So I guess not having someone talk in my ear all day and distracting me with miscellaneous trivia makes me work better. 

- Double birthday parties, coupled with a poor excuse to invite your old friends over, suck.
Last weekend one of Blue's friends from college invited us over for a Labor Day BBQ. She lives in West Bumblefuck, an hour and a half away. We went because it's the one time every year when we get to see this particular friend, and it's kind of a mini-reunion. However she has three kids, and every year she mixes this mini-reunion with a double birthday party because two of the kids are like a week apart. There were like 30 kids running around, a bounce house, cotton candy machine, pinatas, etc. and it's not like the parents (who invited us) could even hang out because they had to run the party. I understand that they wanted to throw a bday party for their kids, but maybe plan to have the mini-reunion part on a  different day/weekend so we can actually spend time with you and catch up. 

- Ask and you shall receive.
I've mentioned in passing that I somehow broke the majority of my dishes, so when our friend said she was moving and getting rid of stuff, she offered her dishware to me first. Now I have a full set of almost new dishes! Yay! 

- Saying no is (still) okay.
Last Friday we were invited to a bar to celebrate a friend's birthday, however we're going to the same bar with the same people this week, and on Fridays, it takes a lot to even want to go out. I usually just want to go home and take off my pants. So we politely declined and stayed in watching Married At First Sight and eating a White Castle Crave Case and it was glorious. 

What are some things you learned recently?

Linking up with Mattie and Lexi for Weekly Lessons!

Things I Learned on Vacation

Hey friends! I'm baaaaaaaack! As much as I missed this little space, it was a welcome break. I'm back with a fresh perspective and a full heart. I'm still catching up so bear with me as I muddle through, but I did want to share a few things I learned while I was away.

1. Leave yourself a little time before (and after) vacation to get re-adjusted. 
I had to burn some vacation days before I lost them come June 31st, and with work life being a bit finicky lately, I decided to add a day before and after my actual vacation to use them up without too much fuss. Mind you the 2 extra days were both Mondays, but usually I would work them just so I'd have more vacation days to use later. Like the majority of the 9-5, Mon-Fri working class, I hate Mondays. Being off allowed me to run extra errands beforehand and have an extra day to take care of getting groceries and an extra day to prepare to return to work afterwards. This was by far the best idea/thing I learned from this vacation.

2. Clean up before your leave.
Usually I just leave my apartment in packing disarray and "deal with it" when I return. I read this tip right before I left, so I decided to try it. I did laundry (including my bedding), tidied up everywhere, swept/mopped,cleaned out my fridge and took out trash. You guys, it made coming back so much more pleasant! I didn't worry about what I'd have to do when I got home because everything was done. Yeah, I'd have to unpack and do laundry, but everything else was clean/tidy. I cannot express how much of a relief this was! I'll definitely be doing this before every trip now- and sleeping in fresh sheets after a vacation just made sleeping in my own bed that much better! (I can't find the exact link, but this one offers some pre-vacation tips too!)

3. It's okay to take "me time" on vacation with others. 
I used to have a hard time with this. I just assumed that if you were on vacation with someone, or a group, you had to spend every waking minute with them. Newsflash: you don't. I think I first learned this tip on group trip to India a few years ago, but it was reinforced during this trip. Whether you're with one person or several, you're "allowed" to take a break from everyone and just be by yourself/do what you want. Even if it's a "romantic getaway," it's still your vacation, and you don't have to spend every waking minute with them. I loved spending time and making memories with Blue, but I also appreciated the solitude and space spent alone reading my book, staring at the ocean, and/or not talking. Being afforded that luxury while still being in a committed and loving relationship without worry is sometimes the best gift of all.

4. Manage your expectations. 
I sometimes have a hard time with this one, particularly if it's somewhere I've been before (like Puerto Rico) and/or have read a ton of reviews of somewhere/something (which I usually do...to excess). Honestly, I didn't have any expectations for this trip other than the Key West sunset cruise that I booked in advance, and spent ample time researching the best "bang for my buck" company to go with. (For the record, it did NOT disappoint. Definitely a highlight of the trip!) Not having many expectations for this trip made it that much more enjoyable when we stumbled upon ridiculously good food or an awesome place.

5. Leave room for spontaneity. 
I love to plan things, and vacations are my very favorite things to plan. I make detailed (read: down to the hour) itineraries and travel agendas, including driving directions, reservation numbers (when necessary), where to go in terms of importance/time order, etc. But for this trip, I had only planned the day trip to Key West (loosely, minus our sunset cruise reservation). Blue made it clear that she wanted to just chill- eat good food, have a few drinks, relax. So I found a few options for all of these things, but nothing was set in stone so we had the freedom to change it up if we wanted to, which we did. For instance in Miami I really wanted to see the Wynwood Walls but other than that I didn't care what we did. So we went there, but also spent ample time at the hotel pool and beirgarten, and the night eating Cuban food and taking in the people watching on Espanola Way. And it was fantastic.

6. Budget for extra expenses. 
Remember that post I wrote last week about how I don't like checking bags, so I try to keep packing to a minimum? Well, I still agree with that. However the bag I chose, though it did have extra space so I could squish it down, didn't exactly meet TSA guidelines for carry-on, so I had to check it for an extra $25 (each way)! And I didn't check beforehand, but the second hotel we stayed at in South Beach was valet parking only- and extra $40/day (luckily we only stayed there one night). And we were so excited when we arrived at our final destination that we went a little crazy at the tiki bar on the first night. Oops! My point is, always budget some wiggle room for hidden fees and extras!

7. Carry cash.
I included this one as one of my life lessons, but it's never been truer than on vacation. You don't know the lay of the land and you don't know when you're going to get to an ATM (let alone one that doesn't include extra fees), so carry cash. This is also important because in the service/hospitality business, it's always polite to tip those who are taking care of you. And they don't exactly take cards!

8. Be flexible. 
We rented a car and driving took up a lot of time. Like I said, I didn't really have a plan or itinerary for what we do do in Miami. We had a late flight on Saturday so we could spend more time in Miami, but we didn't know what we really wanted to do. I suggested going to Little Havana, the Cuban district of Miami. However this was another all-outdoor area, and after sweating our asses off at Wynwood Walls the day before, we both decided we didn't want a repeat, especially before getting on a flight- ew! So we headed to Coconut Grove, a shopping/entertainment area that one of Blue's coworkers mentioned, and it was the perfect place to grab a bite to eat and relax out of the heat for a little while before heading home.

9. Take care of nagging tasks before you depart. 
I had to run a bunch of errands before taking off, but I'm so happy I did, because I was able to truly relax while on vacation knowing that everything was taken care of. For instance, I have a bill due on the 15th and they don't have online/auto billing, so I made sure to mail it out before I left. My landlord updated the lease on my apt, so I made sure to send that out too. My phone storage was at capacity, so I needed to either update my plan or upload my photos to my computer (so I could take more on vacation!). It was such a great feeling to get those things out of the way so I could truly focus on enjoying my vacation.

10. LET GO!
I can honestly say that I looked at my email exactly once during vacation, and that was after I posted last week so I could answer a few of the comments I got. I didn't check work email once. And you know what? It was AWESOME. I strongly suggest that if you're prone to checking in to work while on vacation, you stop. You deserve a break. Take it!

What are some things you've learned lately? 

I Got It From My Momma Pt. 2

A few months ago I shared some pearls of wisdom I learned from my mom. In honor of Mother's Day, I'm sharing a few more.

Shit happens. 
Put on your big-girl panties and deal with it.

Never turn your back on the ocean.

Don't blame other people for your mistakes. 
Own them. Learn from them. Try not to repeat them.

Print your pictures (so I can have some).
Ok so maybe this one was a little more self-serving, but a good reminder nonetheless.

Travel.
Learn about different cultures. Experience what the world has to offer.

Dress to impress.
Take your clothes to the cleaners. Put on some makeup. Look professional.

Have a firm handshake.
No one likes a weenie, limp handshake. Stand up tall, look people in the eye, and shake like you mean it.

Know sports.
Guys like sports. Coworkers like sports. It's something to talk about when you're stuck in the elevator.

Also this:

And this:

What are some things you've learned from some special women in your life? 

Wishing a Happy (early) Mother's Day to all the mommas out there!

I Got It From My Mama

Today is my mom's birthday! When I was little, I thought she was a superhero. And then I got older and realized that though she didn't exactly have super powers, she did know some things, but not ALLthethings. Here are some life lessons she's taught me that have actually stuck: 

-Accept others regardless of race, ethnicity, financial background, religion, etc. and show kindness and respect to everyone, from the janitor to the CEO. 

-Accept yourself, and be proud of who you are and your accomplishments, regardless of other people.

-Be financially independent.
Do not share your financial situation with anyone, always have cash in the house somewhere, and never depend on anyone to support you. 

- When receiving poor service, always ask for the manager.
I learned this well at a young age. I don't remember the story exactly, but I was probably about 12 and my mom sent me into the Chinese restaurant to pick up our order. The man behind the counter told me it wasn't ready yet, so I waited a little and asked again, getting the same response. That's when I asked to speak to a manager. I had taken a bit longer than expected, so my mom came in to find me, and I told her what was happening. I think it was one of her proudest moments. (Sidenote: our food was ready; the guy was just being a dick.) 

-Take pictures of yourself. By yourself. 
I thought this was dumb/silly when she first told me this, but one I wish I had listened to more, especially as a young adult, because now most of my pictures from that time period have exes in them. Lesson learned. 

- Practice good manners.
ALWAYS say please/thank you. Know what silverware to use. Chew with your mouth closed (including gum). The basics. 

-Choose your friends wisely.
I had a bad habit of being too trusting too soon when I was younger. I'd pick a best friend or 3, tell them my whole life story without second thought, and then be surprised when they used that information to stab me in the back. I've finally learned this lesson and am definitely not as trusting until I know someone for quite some time. 

-It's okay to not be perfect. No one expects perfection. Do your best, and learn from your mistakes.
I've always been one of those overachiever/perfectionist types. I think the best example of this was the first time I got a B+ instead of an A or even A-. (I think I was in 5th or 6th grade.) I was CRUSHED. I literally cried.  I demanded to know why I got the grade. I think I kind of scared the teacher. 

- Go in early (or at least on time). Stay late. Work hard.
My mom was never on time anywhere, but she always worked her ass off. 

- Treat yo'self.
Sometimes my mom just wanted to get away, so we would stay in a nearby-ish hotel overnight. We went a few times a year. I loved it because there was an indoor and outdoor pool, hot tub, sauna, game room, room service and cable (I didn't always have cable growing up). She loved it because of the same things I guess. I just remember that we'd always have fun there. 

-And of course...

What are some things your parents taught you that stuck with you? 

32 Things Learned on the Way to 32

My 32nd birthday is on Saturday. Birthdays always make me reflect on the year that has passed, where I've been, what I've done, and where I'm going or want to go. Lately, I've also been thinking a lot about what "life things" I've learned so far. Though I'm still making  mistakes and learning every day, (and there's a lot more that didn't make the list), I've decided to share some of the funny and some serious things I've learned and know for sure.

1. Travel. As often as humanly possible.

2. Have opinions, but for a reason. Know the facts about what you believe in, and not just what’s “popular” or “trendy” to believe in. "If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything." 

3. It's ok to say "no" when you feel like it.

4.Trust your gut. It's usually right. 

5. Real books are better than e-books. But e-books are easier to tote around/carry.

6. Be yourself. (Everyone else is taken.) Don’t try to be someone you’re not

7. But also... get out of your comfort zone. Be open to trying new things.

8. Don't mess around with Ouija boards. (Especially not while drinking.)

9. Budget. Save. Invest your money when you can. But pay your bills first.

10. FOMO is real. You know what's a good cure? Get off the internet!

11. Canola oil is not the same as vegetable oil- do not substitute one for the other.

12. Not all cheap wine is bad, and not all expensive wine is good. Find your favorites. Drink whatever you like.

13. Invest in proper footwear, comfy underwear, and your health.

14. Speaking of which, go to Dr. appointments. (Yes, even the dreaded dentist.) Good health is important, and something you can't get back once it's gone.

15. Unless you want to wind up with a bunch of unhealthy, easy to make food, don't go to the grocery store hungry.

16. Apologize. And learn to forgive yourself and others. No one is perfect.

17. Live alone, at least once in your life. I learned so many things about myself, became completely self-reliant, and learned to appreciate my alone time even more.

18. Tip your servers, especially when you're in a group and especially bartenders (just trust me on this one).

19. Let go of anything or anyone that doesn’t positively influence your life or bring you joy/happiness. Be selective. 

20. Just because something still fits doesn’t mean you should still wear it.

21. Allow yourself to love. Even if you’ve had your heart broken before.

22. Always carry cash. Even if you have to hide it from yourself in a pocket of a wallet.

23. Give to others whenever you can. Donate. Volunteer. And remember that sometimes time> money. 

24. Have a hobby. It makes you more interesting and adds to your life.

25. There is no such thing as going out for “just one drink.”

26. Have dreams. Have Goals. Reach for them. "Learn from the past, focus on today, dream about the future."

27. Be grateful for what you have. Appreciate both the big and little things in your life.

28. Never stop questioning and learning new things.

29. If you don't ask, the answer is always no.

30. Everyone has stress. Know what works best for you to destress/calm down.

 

31. Embrace change. (I’m still working on this one.) But it’s true… "If you want things in your life to change, you are going to have to change things in your life"

32. Just like the 90's song said, wear sunscreen.

Mindy gets me. 

What are some life lessons you've learned? 

Linking up with Joey and Kristin!

Things I Learned This Weekend

Things I Learned This Weekend:

• Bingeing (and finishing) a show within 48 hours when you have been anticipating it for nearly a year will leave you with feelings of sadness and restlessness
• The word "bingeing" looks really weird, but it must be the correct spelling because otherwise it would say "Binging" and there is no Chandler here. 

"Litchfield Lemonade"

• When consuming large amounts of alcohol, do not use fancy glass cups that hold meaning for you, because you your friend may break it. And then your friend would feel really, really terrible about it. Stick to plastic.
• Kraft macaroni and cheese is still my favorite. 
• I have no qualms about eating canned chili, especially when it means more time to do what i really want to do, which in this case was continue to binge-watch. 

prison food: chili dogs and Mac n Cheese

• I still do not like pulp in my OJ. 
• Themed meals make binge-watching and eating more fun. 
• Explaining Pinterest to a noob is hard. "So wait- you just pin things and that's it? [Yes. It's a way to keep things you find interesting. And there's an add-on you can add to Chrome so you can pin anything from the web. And then you can organize it to like, vision boards you create.] Do other pinners get mad when you pin their stuff? [No, it's expected.] Oh... so what's fun about it? [Le sigh...]

Big Boo's Screwdrivers

• I like prosciutto in small doses.
• I also like stuffed chicken. This was the first time I tried it. 
• I require sides with almost all of my meals. I already knew this, but it was reinforced over the weekend. 

Prosciutto-stuffed chicken with spinach and pasta

What did you learn this weekend? 

Cohabitation

I mentioned that we celebrated my girlfriend's bachelorette party a few weeks ago. She and her fiance don't currently live together, so those of us who do (everyone else there) had some advice for her. Here are some things we came up with:

- Own more than one TV
This has saved many a fight. It may seem like a small thing, but it's really not. I'm all for sharing and snuggling and watching TV together, but sometimes you just need your shows- whether it's Dog Bounty Hunter or Real Housewives of [insert city of choice here] and he needs his video games.

- Decide on who is doing what chores before moving in.
Make a chart if you have to. Get a cleaning lady if it helps. But sort this out first!
Don't want to wind up cleaning up after him all the time (or vice versa)? Do you abhor washing dishes? Clearly define what chores will be done by whom.



- Keep Date Nights
Things can get really comfortable when you live with the one you love. You may not always feel like going out, because well, the couch is so comfy, and why not just watch whatever's on? NO! Date nights are important to keep yourselves from getting in a rut. Go out by yourselves, go out with friends- just get out! Staying in may seem like bliss in the beginning, but its also fun to get all dolled up and go out once in a while too!



- Don't Forget About Your Girlfriends
We're not in high school (or college, for some) anymore. Ignoring your girlfriends when you move in with your partner is not acceptable. Plus, you spend all the time with an XY... you may be surprised how badly you need a solid girls' night out! (and of course there's always the opportunity to compare notes, if you're into that sort of thing!) And don't forget it's not always about you- your girlfriends probably miss hanging out with you whenever they want like before you started living with someone!



- Give Each Other Time and Space
This.Is.Key. Living together is awesome at first- someone to have fun with who you actually enjoy a lot around all the time? It's almost like living with your college roommate (that you can choose) all over again! But, you still need your own space sometimes. To, you know, eat jelly covered crackers while standing in your undies in the kitchen (SATC anyone?!) or to sing extremely girly karaoke into your hairbrush without judgement. Not that I know anything about that...



- Communicate
I am still working on this one, but communication is very important. No one I know is a mind reader (but if you know someone, send them my way please!). Did you do something to piss him off? Did he do something way out of line? Do dirty dishes in the sink drive you mad (see #1)? Talk to each other! The issue will go away much quicker and less painfully if there are clear lines of communication. It may not always be easy, but it's definitely worth it.


 - Compromise
Compromising is key in any relationship, regardless if you are living together or not. However, it is still important to note. You each have needs, and it's important that each of you have your needs met, at least some degree. (This is also where communication comes in.) Compromising keeps everyone happy, and that is important for a successful relationship.
Unfortunately, I have no cute GIF for this one. But I got a pic!

Source: facebook.com via MK on Pinterest

- Keep Having Sex... If You Were Doing That Before
If you are saving yourself for marriage well... good for you! However if you are not, and decide to live together, don't stop now! Once you get really comfortable with one another, and usually in marriage, sex is said to decline. This is not a good thing, for obvious reasons. Use whatever it takes to keep things alive in the bedroom and spice things up!

Here are two more resources for ya:
9 More Tips

From Man's POV: Men's Health



[I am not a professional anything, just sharing my two cents on what has worked for me...and what hasn't. Please use your own discretion!]